So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize