dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
