TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
