The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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