every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
