I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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