It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
