people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
