dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
