we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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