OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
