i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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