I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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