Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
