he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
