I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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