Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
