she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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