He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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