i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
