so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
