I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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