I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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