Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
