This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i now understand why vodka
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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