He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
