Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You are the jesus of drinking
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
