I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
