Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
