Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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