I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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