Girls should come with a carfax report
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
