i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
