There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
