thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You left your phone here
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