WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
