Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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