Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
