She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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