put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
