I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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