Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If that was your dad, he is hot
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
