Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
