ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize