Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
