There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
