My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
