Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
