What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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