Sacagawea was the original milf.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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