Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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