I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They have beer where we have blood.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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