I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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