you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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