I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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