Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
