So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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