So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
