Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
