tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
