just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
