...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
