there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
