...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Porn is love you can see.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I need help removing her.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
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