That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
