I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
