I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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