He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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