do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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