i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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