I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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