I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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