it wasn't lemon gatorade
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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