dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
