i think i have two assholes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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